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Posts Tagged ‘Farah Ayaad’

STOP TRYING TO FIX ME. LOVE ME INSTEAD.

Please, don’t try to fix me. I am not broken. I have not asked for your solutions.

When you try to fix me, you unintentionally activate deep feelings of unworthiness, shame and failure within me. I can’t help it. I feel like I have to change to please you, transform myself just to take away your anxiety, mend myself to end your resistance to the way I am. And I know I can’t do that, not on your urgent timeline anyway. You put me in an impossible bind. I feel so powerless.

I know your intentions are loving! I know you really want to help. You want to serve. You want to take away people’s pain when you see it. You want to uplift, awaken, caretake, educate, inspire. You truly believe that you are a positive, compassionate, unselfish, nice, good, kind, pure, spiritual person.

But I want you to know, honestly, friend, I feel like a steaming pile of shit when you try to ‘love’ me in this old way. It doesn’t feel loving to me at all. Quite the opposite. It feels like you’re trying to relieve your own tension by controlling me. Under the guise of you being ‘kind’ and ‘helpful’ and ‘spiritual’, I feel suffocated, smothered, rejected, shamed, and completely unloved. I feel abandoned in your love! Do you get that? I feel like you don’t actually care about ME, even though on the surface it sure looks like you care! But deep down it feels like you are holding an image of how I should be. Your image. Not mine!

It looks like your love but it feels like your violence. Do you understand?

Yet as soon as you stop trying to ‘help’ me, you are of the greatest help to me! I stop trying to change to please you! I feel safe, respected, seen, honored for what I am. I can fall back into my own power. I can trust myself again, the way you are trusting me. I can relax deeply.

Without your pressure, your demand for me to abandon myself and be different, healed, transformed, enlightened, awakened, mended, ‘better’, I can better see myself. I can discover my own inner resources. I can touch my own powerful presence. I feel safe enough to allow and express my true feelings, thoughts, desires, hold my own perceptions. I no longer feel smothered, a victim, a little child to your expert adult. The courageous adult in me rises. I breathe more deeply. I feel my feet on the ground. Loving attention drenches my experience, even the uncomfortable parts. My senses feel less dull. Healing energies emerge from deep within. I feel light, free, liberated from your fear. I feel respected, not shamed. Seen, not compared to an image.

You help me so much when you stop trying to help me, friend! I need my own answers, my own truth, not yours. I want a friend, present and real, not an expert or a savior.

And do you see, when you are trying to save me, you are actually abandoning yourself? You are running from your own discomfort, your own unlived potential, and focussing on mine? I become your ultimate distraction. I don’t want to be that for you anymore.

Let’s break this cycle together! Let’s stop trying to fix or save each other. Let’s love each other instead. Bow to each other. Bless each other. Hold each other. As we are. As we actually, actually, actually are.

– Jeff Foster

Photo: Lisa Bonet

WILD WOMAN SISTERHOOD

Embody your Wild Nature

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Deep women are often misunderstood because they are extraordinary. They are once in a life time kind of people. Deep women are different. And what makes deep women different is who they are; their big hearts, intelligent minds and kind Spirits.

Their depth itself. People aren’t good at understanding what’s different, they’re not great at embracing it and most importantly, they don’t know how to keep it.

Deep women are misunderstood because they are unusual. They are not like most women out there who give a shit about what people think of them.

They are not afraid of speaking their mind; they are strong-headed, bold, brave.

Deep women are comfortable in their skin. They Love who they are and they own it.

They are self-aware of their strengths and weakness so they are always evolving to better versions of who they are. People might think they would change their essence for someone but the truth is that they are open-minded; open to change, compromise, and personal development.

They have a heart of gold. They don’t judge people and accept them for who they really are. They don’t jump into conclusions about people they’ve just met or people in their life. They believe in second and 99 chances. Deep women don’t give-up on people instead they fight for them until the end.

They see the beauty in people. They fall in Love with their flaws. And because they see the best in people, deep women are called naïve. Their eyes see beauty in what is broken, their hands feel tenderness in what’s damaged.

They feel everything. They feel pain and pleasure. They feel happiness and sadness. They feel confident and they feel insecure. They feel calm and anxious. Deep women are empathic because they feel other people’s feelings. People’s energy becomes theirs. People’s problems become of their own. And because deep women are connected to those around them in such a delicate way, they are seen as “sensitive”,” too emotional”, “too much”.

Deep women are passionate and love life. They adore kids. They are crazy about animals, food, travelling, music and the little things. Their passion for love is mistaken for desperation because they are committed. They pour their heart in everything they do. Their eyes are always glowing. Their positive attitude is often taken as being too enthusiastic or just plain fake.

They are thoughtful. They think about the little and the big things. They feed on details. They look for what is below the surface. They search for the magical side to people that they lock away. Deep women remember everything you tell them because they pay attention not because they want to have some sort of leverage on you when the opportunity presents itself.

They notice things about you that you don’t notice about yourself. They know your quirks like no one else does. They know your favorite things in the world by heart. Deep women are told they are complicated because they over-think while in fact they’re just complex.

Deep women are one of the best things that could ever happen to someone because they present to you a different level of life. A deeper one, a more meaningful one.

They help you fall back in love with who you are and reconnect to the world as a whole. They show you what really matters in life and why it does.

We need more deep women in this world who make life more than a journey; a lifetime dream worth fighting for. Deep women should be celebrated. Their depth should be praised and recognized.

-Farah Ayaad

WILD WOMAN SISTERHOOD
Embody your Wild Nature

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